I remember being in Kindergarten and getting my very first (and only ever) paddling by my teacher, Ms. Perry. In a classroom of about 15 wild heathens, it’s understandable that patience was not exactly one of her strongest virtues, but for whatever reason, it seemed to be nonexistent with me. I cannot for the life of me imagine why, I was such a sweet and calm little angel girl….aaaaand now any of my friends who knew me in those days are rolling their eyes and remembering the “sweet”, yes, but also obnoxiously hyper little ball of annoying energy I was.
However, this teacher just really never seemed to like me and I was determined to do whatever I could to earn her favor. That being said, I can remember one afternoon, she and several other teachers were standing in the hall just outside my classroom door having a conversation while they waited for our class to finish our bathroom break and settle back into the class for carpet time. I remember Ms. Perry was wearing a very pretty dress that day and I got it in my head that if I complemented her in front of her peers by telling her she was pretty, I would finally earn her approval and she would surely extend her favor towards me. In order to execute this brilliant plan, I would need to wait for a break in the conversation she was having with her fellow teachers, so I decided to bide my time drinking from the water fountain beside them while I waited. Well….about the same time I got sick and tired of pretending to drink water, she became aware of my presence, as well as my lingering. Ms. Perry suddenly snapped at me and said, “Crystal, quite acting like you’re drinking water and get back in that classroom.” As I walked off hanging my head, I remember her turning back to her friends and saying, “little nosey thing was just trying to listen to everything we were saying.” I remember feeling so defeated in that moment, not only because I’d lost the opportunity to earn approval ratings and knew that I was now disliked even more, but also because of how grossly misunderstood I was.
Now fast forward to my first year at Point University. One of the first classes I took was on “Critical Thinking”, which basically educates students on how to form a judgement based on rational, skeptical, and unbiased analyses and evaluation. My greatest takeaway from this class is one that I have carried with me since, and it is one simple statement, “What else might be true”.
For what ever reason, human beings seem to just be hardwired to automatically assume the worst of any situation. An example would be this: We all have that friend, or child, or spouse…etc. that is ALWAYS on their phone, never without it. Then one day you try to call them and you get their voicemail. Why is it that our thoughts always seem to go in a direction that sounds something like this, “I know they see me calling. They’re intentionally ignoring me.” And then, from that negative knee jerk mental response an entire false narrative is manifested, rooted in fear and/or anger and/or hurt, and giving voice to a wide range of misunderstandings and conflicts.….only later to discover that they left the house that morning without their phone and have been racking their brain all day trying to remember where they left it, thinking they have lost it, and stressing over all the information and photos they’ve lost and how much unexpected funds it’s going to require to replace it. Meanwhile, we’ve been stewing all day over how neglected, rejected, and/or devalued we feel now at the hands of this person we perceive as being incredibly insensitive.
What if we made a conscious decision to flip that script? What if, instead of allowing autopilot to steer our thoughts to the worst-case scenarios in the face of the unknown, we instead train ourselves to ask ourselves in those moments of uncertainty, “What else might be true?” What if we give others the benefit of the doubt and try to think of a more positive and/or empathetic scenario until we discover reality. We do have a choice, ya know?!
Can any one remember a single time in your life where you thought to yourself (or even said out loud), “Sheeew, it’s a good thing I sat around and worried and stressed about that, got all worked up and angry and hurt, because that whole situation would’ve been a whole lot worse had I not!!”
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Matthew 25:27
We have two options, choose to settle our thoughts on a negative possibility or choose to focus on a positive one. Neither option will change the reality, but why not give our own emotional and mental health a break and skip the internal stressing (which will most likely develop into an external conflict) until the truth can be discovered….the REAL truth, not a perceived one.
“…walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:1-3 ESV
We all have one common desire in life, to simply be understood. Yes, people are going to disappoint you sometimes. We are all human beings and we are all bound to let someone down at some point, but “What else might be true?” I challenge you today to see how many situations you can apply that expression to, and how many alternate (positive) narratives you can come up with. The reward that comes with training our brains to respond through grace instead of reacting from assumption is the avoidance of unnecessary conflicts that lead to division and broken trust.
Why not choose to think better while we wait to know better.
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8
Stay authentic my friends!
Crystal
Authenticity Is A Virtue 